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Abused by Husband, Wants Back

My husband i have been married for 27 years. We both were born again and served in our local christain community. My husband also had promotions in his job. However pride entered his life and he started, consuming alcohol, womanising and all the evil things he did. He no longer knew me and beat me up for no reason, i kept telling him, what he was doing was not right his the eyes of God, and that he will loose his job if he kept on on like that. He refuse to listen to me. I decided to leave our home due to his continuous beating me. I refused to follow him to his next posting, as i feared of his bad temper. I we have left apart for 3 years and he met up with a new lady, who is now pregnant. He never mentioned this to me even though at times he rings me to check on me. Now I have heard this lady is pregnant and living with him. I rang my husband and told him that he was once a strong believer in the Lord and what is is doing in the eyes of the Lord is Adultery, he is totally confuse and does not know where to stand. I am planning to visit him, What is the best step i should take while iam there, because the other lady is also there. I have two daughters and the eldest one is living with her father with our two grand daughters and my daughter wants me there to assist her with her two infants girls. Please help me on how i will address this situation. I have been crying out to God to Help me…… restore my marruage, Should the other lady leave?

you have great forgiveness to consider going back to your husband after he has done this to you. Unfortunately, not everyone wants to follow the laws of God and, as God does, we should respect their decisions. “Sulphurwill come back onto their own heads, for what they had done.” This is a simple product of karma rather than some will of God. You have warned him and you can continue to warn him, but if he does not heed your advice then I’d suggest you leave it be and focus on maintaining a healthy relationship with your children. Whover is present. Perhaps, in time, your husband’s heart will change but I would not suggest your save yourself for such a possibility but go on in your life.

ok thats sounds great, well this is personal so i wanted to talk to you rather my family because they will get defensive & be mad at me.. well i was in love w someone who didn’t love me & used me. all he did was emotionally abusive me when i would make mistakes well we had a baby, & the times we were together he would say he loved me well him & his other sons mom ( which they are now together ) have a deep friendship well we argued like all relationships do, but mainly because i was upset that he spent time w her when i needed him here for my pregnacy I’m sure we all know when someone likes a person its obvious i saw that every time my sons father & i argued & even when we got along she was there instigating more, well i was hurt & i saw them together that i told him i hated him & that i wanted nothing to do w him or want him near my son I’ve been depressed, i have all the symptoms, i have no motivation, & i feel useless, everything he tells me only brings sadness in my life we argued & he left w his other sons mom. now there living together & they want my son to stay the night there w them when my son is only 3 mths, i don’t want my son there, he is living in sin & he’s a liar, he’s hurt me so much that I’ve felt no reason to live i can’t agree for my son to stay idk what else to do. & i don’t want her touching my son. I’ve tried to be cool & I’ve been nice but he’s laughing at me that I’m sad & that he’s with her “happy” & he keeps telling me he’s going to find a way for my son to stay the weekend there w them, even if we had to go to court well I’ve prayed, I’ve cried out to jesus that i can’t let my son stay there a night not one weekend, im hurt that i don’t want him to enjoy my son w her, he’s my first & I’ve committed to my son & i need help or advice.

Hmm, that sounds a bit difficult. I think it’s not good that your envy of her gets in the way of your son’s relationship with his father. This is unhealthy for a child, when its parents hate each other and each parent is pulling on a limb trying to take the child only for themselves. Not only are you hurting your son by this but also yourself, because the envy is creating a lot of anguish and suffering within you. That is why Jesus said “forgiveness heals”. It heals your own anger, which is like a poison which hurts any spirit within you. This is obviously not going to be easy at all but I suggest focusing your attention on that rather than battling it out in the courts and letting your anger and envy fester. Ideally, if you can tolerate your husband, to spend time without her and only you three. Your son should be exposed to as many loving environments as possible, to help him nurture and grow.

What concerns your husband laughing at you, if this is a source of depression for you you need to break away from that and find sources of positive energy, and reprogram yourself with positive thoughts. The power of positive thinking. Otherwise you risk getting ensnared in an endless loop of negative thoughts which lead nowhere but to your continued suffering. What you see and what fills your mind is what you focus on, so you need to focus away from the negative and find some light to stare at.

Hope that helps you a bit,

your right & its best for it to be just us three but he wants to take him for the night for a weekend i can’t allow him to im tired of hurting & I’m tired of crying over something & someone that won’t help me out at all, i hate that i still love him he broke up w me when i was in love i still can’t believe this has happened i don’t want to be in this anymore i want to move away from him idk i can’t help it anymore, i didn’t deserve this neither does my son i can’t allow his gf to be around my son, i can’t it will drive me crazy.

Yah, you’re letting this obsession take over you and it will only cause you to suffer more. You can move away but I would think the court could allow your husband to see him on little trips or something. What you are struggling with is a relationship issue. No one can hold your hand and take this pain away from you. When I was struggling with such hurts I found the best way was just to let the pain go right through my core. Absorb it, engulf yourself in it, let it pass through the centre of your soul. I’d say the bible refers to that as walking through the valley. It is part of your soul’s development and trying to hinder or block it will only stretch things out further. You can bury it in the back of your sock drawer but it will always remain there, gnawing at your guts within. If you expose it and face it, embrace it, it will pass through you and eventually fade away. This is the best way I found how to deal with these pains.

thank you i tried talking to him about this. we can enjoy my son only the three of us he said no i can’t allow my son to stay the night, there life is all sin. idk i just can’t allow my son to see what he’s doing to learn off his habits its wrong my son is only 3 mths & he needs me more now than ever.

Oh, I didn’t realise he was that young. In that case he does not need his father yet. Maybe when he gets older. If it is in your legal right to keep him away then you can exercise that. If your husbands wants to see him then it has to be with just the three of you, as that should be your right to exercise. But I don’t know the law regarding this. Karel

well thank you so much, we both are going to make an agreement maybe set a contract, i hope the lord speaks to him in a kind way i don’t want to go to court because he’ll only have one hr w my son once a week but thank you again i just needed to confirm this. all i know is that its gods way whether we like it or not so i well let him take the lead,

Oh, and it might be a good idea to tell your husband in a gentle way that you still have feelings for him and that all this hurts, and that if he is insensitive towards you it will only increase the chance that resistance will grow in you and he will end up seeing his son less. It should not be a great issue of pride to spend time with you son together with you. Do not try to manipulate him to come back to you, because that could turn him away from you more, but just explain to him that you are suffering and that if he was just a little kinder to you and considered your feelings it should mean he’ll end up seeing his son more. Just a thought. karel

Hes not my husband, he was my ex, we were “engaged” but obviously he lied. I want to talk about him but he doesn’t care what he did to me, He made me the person I am today. & I’m starting not to care about him or his feelings, or if he even sees my son, hes not a father, he just wants to look “responsible” in front of everyone & prove me wrong. He does not care about my son, I’ve seen the way he treated his first son, & he leaves him with his mom, I don’t want my son around him or his family, what he has done to me cannot be forgiven, I gave him more then plenty chances & he just lies, What is the world coming to & the men nowadays, there so immature, I cannot let my son be around this type of person, I cannot agree, I know he doesn’t care about how i felt or feel, & thats why he is with his sons mom, they both disrespected me while i was pregnant & going thru birth, She does not need my respect & neither does he. Im tired of them not caring how i feel, i just had his son, & he used me, & he wants to be friends or wants me to get over this, & be ok w everything he says or wants? No. It doesn’t work that way, i cannot have my son stay a night, & i will do anything possible for that to be accomplished.

That’s good Aline, sounds like you got a good handle on things and just needed a second opinion. Important to raise your children in a healthy environment. Once they grow up then they can slowly learn about and understand the bad people, and maybe help them. Karel

If you would like to ask for advice, feel free to write to me through my contact form.

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