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Does What Boyfriend Says because of Low Confidence

I love god but I feel horrible I’ve sinned I have been messing around with a guy who says he loves me but no one knows about us I dont know what to do

Is this guy so evil that you cannot reveal him to your family and friends? What is the problem? That you were messing around before getting married?

He won’t let me tell anyone and I’ve sinned cuz I feel like I’m nothing so if ine guy says he loves me I should do what I can to keep him and if I try ti stop myself from doing stuff with him but I dont have the strength

Just be careful that he really does love you, because there are many guys who will say that just to get what they want, and leave you decimated when it suits them. And to depend on someone else to build your self-esteem is also dangerous, as it creates a dependence on them and opens you to abuse. You should first find strength in and contentment with yourself.

How do I do that?

free-Christian-counseling-557260_10151073785520941_147499668_nHow do you find strength in and contentment with yourself? Actually, that’s probably a very common question that many people wouldn’t dare to ask, being afraid that everyone they know will laugh at them for their weakness. Totally understandable, and I myself have been that way for a long time. I guess you start by taking the very first step, which is to realize that you are not in a jail and that you can change things around you. You can take control of your life and not be a puppet hanging from the strings of society. If you are exposed to negative insults about yourself, either stand up and say something in your defense, or walk away. Do not let yourself be exposed to such negative feedback. Especially guys have the pride and ignorance to take advantage of such weakness and perpetuate their hold on you by keeping you down with a low self-esteem. They will feel powerful and in control of you. If you stand up to defend yourself you can do so in a very polite manner, and you will shine. Once you walk away you reverse the programming. It is called “positive thinking” and there is much material written on it. Your conscious mind only uses about 6% of your brain, and there is much happening in the unconscious. The theory, and it’s been proven to work, is that you can use your conscious mind to program/reprogram your subconscious. free-Christian-counseling-557936_10151004648276985_608676158_n1Like myself, many people have grown up under verbally abusive parents. I believe my parents thought that by jabbing at all my weak points (if I got 99% in physics I was asked, with a grimace, “Oh yah? What did you get in chemistry?”) I would try harder to excel in everything, would become more successful, and supposedly this will be a good thing for me and that they are helping me this way. No, doesn’t work that way (actually, it might, but those people who are forever chasing after more money and greater success certainly are not necessarily happy and content). Anyway, if you grew up in such an environment or got used to hearing this said to your person, you will believe it and fall into the rut of perpetuating this in your adult life. You will cut yourself down, not believe you are worth anything etc. It is sad and a source of great insecurity in western society. And some people may try to compensate for this insecurity by cutting down others, so they can feel better about themselves. Very sad state of affairs, but I’ve gotten to the situation where I can stand up immediately and put such a person in his/her shoes for acting like such an ignorant arsehole. But if you are already down it will take you time to build yourself up to where you can be so bold in front of the crowd. One of the things that helped me is when I got to the point where I stopped caring about what others think about me. Mostly because I came to the conclusion that, no matter how much of a saint I may be, there will always be someone out there who will get drunk, not remember things correctly, or is who simply envious of your sainthood and starts to spread crap about you “around town”. free-Christian-counseling-A_Beautiful_Night_by_s3vendaysThe losers will gather with the losers in the café, someone will pass that information on to others, because such dirt often makes “interesting” conversation for those who like to sit all day in a café and look for things to chat about. Soon enough you hear, “You know, I’ve already heard that once before,” in which case it become established fact, to such losers. Meanwhile, none of these cowards has the balls to approach you and confirm if such speculation has any foundation. So I let them think what they want and establish strength in the real and genuine people I find as friends. Or stand up to them, or face them directly. Such cowards usually prefer not to face any confrontation and will quickly cower away. So you must learn that you have this strength within you. You just need to find your ground and defend it. Don’t let yourself ever cut yourself down in your head, and if you ever do catch yourself doing something like that, stop and change it to the positive. Say positive things about yourself and look for good qualities to focus on. Find a haven with some real and genuine people, and establish a trustful and respectful relationship with them, avoiding all external and negative energy. free-Christian-counseling-Afremov_NATURE_Original_Art_Oi_by_LeonidafremovEven if you totally don’t believe it, just lie to yourself. You will find that, in time, the subconscious starts to believe it and that you have reprogrammed that part of your mind. Your entire life will change. Reason with yourself. If you stand before the mirror and say to yourself, “You are ugly”, you will make yourself ugly. People are not attracted to people who are unconfident about themselves and with a low self-esteem. It is like a low puddle and who wants to be associated with that? People want to be happy and successful, and don’t want to associate themselves with failure. So if you set yourself up as a failure people will tend to avoid you. And then you will see that they would rather avoid you and that will strengthen your image of yourself as a failure, and you’ll even walk and dress like one, because you are firmly convinced you are etc. These are all things that go on in your mind and there is no need for such perpetuation. Meditation can teach you to take control of your mind and your life. There is great power within you. You find this by taking the first step and start looking for it.

If you would like to ask for advice, feel free to write to me through my contact form.

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