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Afraid that wont be saved because adulterer

Hi my name is Lisa. I was a born again Christian for about 15 years. About 2 yeas ago I sinned horribly I committed adultery and then lost my mind. Maybe I was turned over to a reprobate mind at the time. The problem is now is that I feel as though I destroyed my soul. I lost fellowship with the Lord, and do not have the Holy Spirit with me any more. Maybe I gave back my salvation. However I live in constant despair, fear, torment. I do not experience God’s peace anymore and haven’t for all this time. I did some pretty horrible things after the adultery, to my husband , son, friends, and family. I feel all alone in my spirit now. Since that time I have read so many scriptures that suggest that I lost my salvation. I live in total misery now. I dont know what to do. I have had people all around the world pray for me and with me. But there is no release or peace. According to the Bible adultery destroys the soul. And that the devil comes to kill steal and destroy. I can do nothing now. I feel as though I have been cut off by God himself. Or should I say I cut myself of Him. I have had many nightmares about just that. Please try to help me if you can. I dont want to be a burden for you. I just have no where else to turn. I have lost all of my faith. I have no gifts of the Holy Spirit in my life now. I know I was foolish in my choices and did not heed Gods warnings. Please consider talking with me. Maybe you have talked with other people like me and can help me. Please.

Hello Lisa, if the bible says there is no peace for adulterers, I would assume it applies if you continue to be that way, but if you turn from your ways and repent, to still not be saved would be in contradiction of God’s grace and forgiveness. My hunch is that you are suffering from your own guilt and not trusting in God’s forgiveness. Make peace with those you have hurt and come clean and honest with them. If you hold in your ugly truths as a secret, it will chew your insides. You need to release yourself from this. Ask your friends or those you hurt to help you become a better person and put your faith in God. Everything is forgivable. God is a spirit of Love that does not hold grudges, and your sin against your loved ones cannot really hurt God. He wants the best for you and the salvation of your soul.

Thanks for getting back to me. I did confess to my husband when i came home from the hospital. However during these past 2 years I can not get over the guilt. I am so empty inside. I am a comfort to no one. I feel as though God has cut me off. I miss him so much. Can you help me get over the guilt and condemnation I feel day and night. I dont enjoy life anymore, it is like i am dead inside. I dont know what to do. I am going to send you some more of my story and why I feel the way I do. Please give me your feedback on this please. Thank you. Lisa Fifteen Years ago I became a Born Again Christian. I was enjoying every benefit that The Good Lord had to offer. I was happy, peaceful, joyful and enjoying life. Up until last year.

James 4:7, "Submit yourselves therefore to God. 
Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."

You need to resist the devil in every area of your life.

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around 
like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 
9Resist him, standing firm in the faith...."1 Peter 5:8-9a (NIV)

What God says in His word is very true, and I am lived both sides of Gods word. When I accepted the Lord and did thing His way I was truly blessed. I loved life and enjoyed everything about it. Jesus is your Savior. God is your Heavenly Father, and the precious Holy Spirit is what makes you feel alive. There is much much Joy and peace serving the Lord.

(Exodus 33:14) And He said, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."

That rest is like no other. Sure you have troubles and circumstances, but with Gods presence in your life you can surely rest. Here is my story. There was a time of my life that I felt to proud. I had everything going for me. My wonderful marriage, two wonderful children, a business. For years people would come to me with their problems, looking back now it I enjoyed that life so much. Unfortunately, I didn’t stay on guard. I didn’t know the trap I fell into was about to happen. Instead of following God’s plan and steps for my life, I had let anger in my life. You say well if you were enjoying your life how did anger get in? Well I will tell you. My life was also extremely stressful. Meaning finances, the children (not so much the children but alot of school issues), the business, a lot of death in my family in a short amount of time. I began to neglect the Lord. I started living a carnal lifestyle, the things that I was not delivered from began to run my life. Sure I had the Lord but I myself was not leaning on Him to get me past all of this. Well one thing lead to another, and the devil caught me up into lust. I fell into it. I began to live the worldly way. Still having the Lord in my life. However little by little I let the devil get a foothold in my life. I had let anger in.

Ephesians 4:31-32 (New International Version)
31Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, 
along with every form of malice. 32Be kind and compassionate to one another, 
forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

If only I had been in Gods word continually. But, I wasn’t and it hurts so much now. I began living my life out of control which eventually lead to me committing adultery on my Husband, If I could turn back time I would but I can’t. After I committed adultery, I had lost my mind. I became very angry and bitter towards my husband. I blamed Him for all the things that I was angry about. I said very hurtful things to Him. He never deserved it, I hurt Him so much I cant even explain. I feel horrible now. God’s hand of protection was taken away from me. I became very manic. I was suffering from a nervous breakdown. I think this is where I was turened over to a reprobate mind. My husband had me committed into a mental institution; I live with Bipolar 1 now. At that point my husband didn’t know what I did. It wasn’t until I came home from the hospital that I realized what I have done. I began to tell him what I had done. I was extremely manic for months. I literately lost my mind. Although my Husband forgave me for all the nasty things I did to him, it hurts even more. I not only lost my mind but, I feel as though I lost my Lord also. There is no more peace for me now. I don’t have God’s peace. People tell me all the time that Jesus forgives me. That would include my Husband, my children, Pastors, and other Christians, however I don’t feel forgiven. There are many consequences to this sin. How could God possible forgive me for what I have done? The memories haunt me. I am tormented day and night. I would search the computer out for days that lead into months of how I could possible be forgiven, and feel Gods peace again. I still have yet to find it. I don’t know if I ever will. That is why I am letting you know that the lust that leads to adultery kills you.

"But a man who commits adultery lacks judgment; 
whoever does so destroys himself" Proverbs 6:32

I feel destroyed now.  Like I said I am tormented day and night now.  By being tormented I mean by God’s word now. The angry side of God. I was praying to the Lord after I came to my senses and was asking God if He forgave me, I was lead to these verses in the Bible.

Ephesians 5:1-14 (New International Version)
1Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children 
2and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us
and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. 
3But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, 
or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy
people. 4Nor should there be obscenity, 
foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place,
but rather thanksgiving. 5For of this you can be sure: 
No immoral, impure or greedy person-such a man is
an idolater-has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.[a] 
6Let no one deceive you with empty words,
for because of such things God's wrath comes on those who are disobedient.

I started to cry and and tremble Lord I am so sorry. I went to sleep that night and had a horrible dream. The dream often repeats itself in my mind. I had a few nightmares. Once I was left by my self with no one and nothing. I was also reminded of the blessings I could have had. The family that I lost. I didn’t even have a pair of shoes to wear. I also had another dream where a branch was cut off and chains. Every thing in my dreams have biblical references to them. I live in fear all the time now without escape. I try to put my hope back in the Lord but it seems impossible. I see other Christians now and wish I could get back what I once had in the Lord. It is very hard to have faith now.

1 Timothy 1:19 (New International Version)
19 holding on to faith and a good conscience. 
Some have rejected these and so have shipwrecked their faith.

I don’t have a good conscience now not at all therefore I have shipwrecked my faith. I don’t know where I stand with God now. I didn’t even know that you could loose your salvation. I am afraid that I lost mine now. The whole Bible is about salvation. I always thought that I was covered by His Grace. Until now. I miss the Lord so much. I miss the Holy Spirit, and I also miss being able to call God my Heavenly Father. I feel as though I have no right now to do this. My heart is broken, and so far without repair, I broke God’s and Jesus’s heart, I grieved the Holy Spirit, broke my husband’s heart. Everything is now broken. However, these are the Scriptures that are always coming into my mind when I try to pray.

Hebrews 10:26 (King James Version)
26For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, 
there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins, Of how much sorer punishment, 
suppose ye, shall he be thought worthy, 
who hath trodden under foot the Son of God, 
and hath counted the blood of the covenant, 
wherewith he was sanctified, an unholy thing, 
and hath done despite unto the Spirit of grace?
John 15:5 I am the vine, ye are the branches: 
He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth 
much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.
Hebrews 13:4 (NASB)
4 Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; 
for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.
Hebrews 10: 'How much more severely do you think a man 
deserves to be punished who has trampled under foot 
the Son of God, who has treated as an unholy thing the 
blood of the covenant which sanctified him, 
and who has insulted the Spirit of grace? 
For we know him who said, 'it is mine to avenge, I will repay, 
' and again 'The Lord will judge his people." 
It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.'
James 1:14, 15. "But every man is tempted, 
when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. 
Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: 
and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death."

The Bible teaches us that sin brings death. We are reminded in the Word of God that the soul that sinneth shall surely die.

"But the wicked are like the TROUBLED sea, 
when it CANNOT rest, whose waters cast up MIRE and DIRT. 
There is NO peace, saith my God, to the wicked" 
(Isaiah 57.20, 21) "I am surrounded by MANY TROUBLES - 
too many to count! My sins have CAUGHT UP with me, 
I can see no longer;" 
(Ps40. ''For this cause many are weak and sickly among you, 
and many sleep (die)" (Cor 11.3)
2 peter 2:20 For if after they have escaped the 
pollutions of the world through the knowledge of the 
Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, 
they are again entangled therein, and overcome, 
the latter end is worse with them than the beginning.

This one is the hardest to handle, because I loved God before I became a Born Again Christian. Then I gave myself to the Lord sinned so horrible, I feel as though I lost God altogether. Christ and by the Spirit of our God. The latter end is worse that the beginning. At least when I wasn’t saved yet God was still working on my life. I very easily accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. But somehow got entangled again in sin. A horrible sin. I feel as though God can’t even look at me anymore. I can’t do anything now. I am on my own without the Father’s help of the Holy Spirit. At least if I was to do this before I was saved I would have been totally forgiven.

1 Corinthians 6:9-119Do you not know that the wicked 
will not inherit the kingdom of God ? Do not be deceived: 
Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters 
nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders 
10nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards 
nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 
11And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, 
you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus

But, I did this after being made right with God. The things I have underlined stick out the most for me. They yell at me. I can’t shut them off. I am afraid to die now. I am afraid that all my hopes and dreams are gone. I feel so hopeless. I ruined everything. Although my Husband and I are still together it doesn’t change the fact of what I did. I long to have our life back the way it used to be. I want to be able to stand on God’s promises again. But, I don’t feel as though I can, not after what I have done. I lost all hope and joy now. I can see other people’s spirit and can recognize that my spirit is dead now. I don’t enjoy life at all now. I live in constant fear every minute and every hour of the day and night. I can’t focus on anything else now. There are many many scriptures that explain what will happen to you if you commit this sin. I am now living proof of this. I used to feel God’s love all around me, I don’t feel it anymore, I have no desire to do things now. I can’t enjoy life now. I am ashamed. I lost integrity; I have guilt all the time. There is no way back for me now. I am anxious all the time. I have been on lots of medications to help with this, but the truth is there is no medication that will shut off your mind, your conscience or your soul. Your soul is destroyed. You read Gods word now and realize how you don’t belong to God anymore. I try but I am tormented by Gods word. When I was living my life for Jesus God would pour out His love through His word. But, now after what I have done all I see now is God’s anger. I also let the desires and the lust of the world devour me. Please don’t let this happen to you. If you do not lean on God the devil will surely devour you. I see now what the Bible is all about now. It’s all about God and how He loves His children that are called by His name. I was called by name.

It's about John 3:16.  For God so loved the world, 
that He gave His only begotten Son that who so ever believes 
in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.

The Bible is all about Love and marriage. When you give your self to the Lord you become His bride. I feel as though I wll miss out on the outpouring of the Holy Spirit. I will not be caught up in the rapture. I can’t have a ministry now. I always thought that I was to help children. Why didn’t I see it before it was too late?

Hi Lisa,

that’s quite a long letter and lot to chew off, but I read it once quickly yesterday on my mobile, and while I read it again today on the computer, I made some notes, so hopefully I will be able to pour out some useful thoughts in an understandable manner.

First of all, it seems that the biggest problem is you are not forgiving yourself, which could be the hardest part. You are so stricken with guilt that it is invoking much fear in you, which could be inspiring much of your dreams (as Freud explained) and torment. Don’t worry, God and Jesus are infinitely capable of forgiving, but we humans are not. What God might do is turn his back on us occasionally, as a disciplinary measure, otherwise we would all continue to wallow in our sin, with glee. You have tasted the sweetness of the Holy Spirit but fell from grace, from “first love”. You have become tempted, but “all fall short of the glory of God”. It is almost expected of us, so if you no longer feel the sweetness of the Holy Spirit you could use the opportunity to accept the discipline and learn a hard lesson. Perhaps take it a step further and use your experience to warn other believers. You could become a counselor and definitely still help people. By walking through the valley of darkness you can compare the light against the darkness and hence grow in wisdom. Not ideal but some goodness can always come out of anything.

Also, you seem to dwell a lot on the rapture and afterlife, but I think this is a mistake. The devil uses the fear of death to achieve his means. You should focus on the present and this life, and not live in fear of death. I think you are suffering from an anxiety attack and would suggest you surf the internet and learn about meditation. King David did it all the time and there is much wisdom in it. It is a new phenomenon for me and I am just a beginner, but apparently the purpose is to clear all thoughts from your mind, one minute each day for each year of your age (so a 30 minute session if you are 30), and then you will be able to get in tune with your inner self and understand your problems better. Otherwise you are just cluttering your mind with endless worries and not giving yourself a chance of needed rest/peace.

“Your own sin separates you from God, ” so stop thinking that God is perpetually angry at you and will never forgive you. That is simply wrong. Focus on what you have done, absorb the lesson, and learn to be a better person – without stress. Stress and anxiety will not save you or make things better. Meditate on this and absorb the lesson. Learn from it, become more wise, repent, and ACCEPT God’s forgiveness, and learn to forgive yourself. Let the lesson pass through your soul like a double edged sword, deep into your heart, and let it develop a contrite and humble soul. This is the path of healing and salvation. Don’t be so hard on yourself. If you focus constantly on the negative and tell yourself this and that is impossible, your mind will believe it and the devil has won. Introduce positive thoughts and develop your own faith again, otherwise you are just crippling yourself, to no avail.

Do not focus on the rapture or fear of the afterlife. “He who loses their life will gain it, and he who tries to hold onto their life will lose it.”

We all fall short of the glory of God. In the eyes of God all sin is the same. Accept your failure and learn from it.

Turning his back on you is part of the discipline. Look at how many times he turned his back on the Israelites, but each time he saved them afterwards. That is the message, and how discipline works. The punishing rod in one hand and reward in the other. Otherwise we would all just continue to wallow in our sin.

The Kingdom of God is something that lives in us and not something we should pursue as part of some afterlife. The Holy Spirit cannot live in us if we are wicked sinners, but only once we have turned from our ways and repented, so that we could be cleansed again. But obviously we should not take this salvation and grace lightly, which is why Paul spoke very strongly regarding it. We are little children that tend to take things for granted. So your self-inflicted torment can all be part of this valuable lesson. Embrace it and learn from it.

What concerns wanting to return things back to how they were, can an innocent child return to innocence after experiencing the world? So don’t even focus or dwell on that but accept what has happened and move on. Life is a path, not a solitary spot. Keep learning, gain wisdom and understanding, develop your faith, embrace the lesson. Think towards the positive and stop wallowing in your own grief. Doesn’t seem far off from self-pity, and that will never help you. Like Jesus said to the cripple, “You want to walk? Then GET UP!” He didn’t necessarily save or heal the cripple but just snapped him out of his own incapacitation. He was crippled in his mind and believed he could not walk.

Thank you for getting back to me. I dont know how to forgive my self. I am reminded of my sins and the horrible things that i did in every area in my life. I so want to move on and enjoy my life again but it seems as though I am stuck. Maybe even died (spiritually) in my sins. I will look up meditation and try it. Thank you for helping me. Any advice or websites you can offer me would be a big help.

Just google for it. Tons of information out there. But this did remind me of a book on positive thinking I recently translated. How you can reprogram your mind. For example, if you are obese, keep telling yourself that you are slim and beautiful, and your body adjusts by itself. Hard to believe but the guy who wrote it changed his life this way and studied a lot of psychology and other such books. Therefore, instead of wallowing in your self-guilt, blaming yourself over and over again, which will only reinforce the negativity and you will not be able to climb out of it, start and continue positive thinking by telling yourself that you made a mistake but that you are a good person and you will try to be better, etc. etc. Like your own counselor or something. Apparently your mind just starts to believe it after a while. I know it may feel strange to lie to yourself like this, but it apparently works.

If you would like to ask for advice, feel free to write to me through my contact form.

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